Dear Ted Cruz: Time to Pack Your Bags for a Permanent Beach Vacation
Dear Senator Cruz,
Let’s face it. Washington, D.C. is tough. The stress, the constant scrutiny, and the never-ending stream of crises must really be wearing you down. And let’s be honest, Ted—you’d much rather be somewhere warm with sand between your toes and a drink in your hand. It’s time to admit it—you’ve done your time. Why not make that permanent vacation a reality?
This could be you Ted, on the beach with a drink in your hand.
You’ve certainly earned a break. After all, it’s not every day that a U.S. Senator is able to create crises and then abandon the people who need him. Remember that time in February 2021, when Texas froze over, leaving millions without power or water? While 210 people died in the storm (Texas Department of State Health Services, 2021), you, Ted, made the thoughtful decision to pack your bags and head to Cancun. That’s right, you took a vacation while the state of Texas was literally freezing. It’s almost like you decided that being a good father was more important than, you know, actually leading during a crisis.
But, Ted, let’s think about this. Wouldn’t you actually be a better father if you stepped away from politics altogether? We all know you’re not really into the job—your heart is clearly not in it. You’d probably be less stressed if you weren’t constantly dodging criticism and public outcry. And you’d be more present for your kids, instead of spending days in Washington, caught up in political chaos, where it seems like you’d rather be anywhere else but in the Senate.
The Crisis Ted Cruz Creates: "What, Me Worry?"
It seems like crises follow you wherever you go, Ted. In addition to the power grid failures in Texas, where you were notably vacationing, you’ve also faced immense public backlash on issues like immigration. In 2018, when the government was separating families at the border, you were more focused on finger-pointing than actually addressing the humanitarian crisis. Children in cages became your legacy—though, let's be fair, your job as a Senator is far more about creating the crises and escaping them than actually solving them.
And who could forget your vote in 2016 to block disaster relief funds for Hurricane Sandy victims, while you were later all too eager to take federal disaster relief when Hurricane Harvey hit Texas? It’s funny how the need for disaster funds only seems to matter when it’s your state that’s been affected, right? But when other communities are in need, you’re perfectly fine blocking help—and then taking that relief money when it’s time to protect your political turf.
Ted, It’s Time to Go
At this point, Ted, it’s clear—you’ve done enough. You’ve created too many crises, and you’ve been absent during too many critical moments. It’s time to focus on your family. Let someone else step in to handle the challenges of leadership because you’ve shown time and time again that governing is just not your thing.
You’ve been in office for over ten years (Gillespie, 2018), and the stress of your position is real. According to the American Psychological Association (2020), U.S. lawmakers are some of the most stressed people in the country. Imagine the difference in your health and mental well-being if you were able to leave all this behind, Ted. Instead of dealing with partisan fighting, political gridlock, and never-ending crisis management, you could focus on what really matters—being there for your family. Because we all know that a good dad isn’t one who’s tied up in political drama; a good dad is one who shows up, puts down the phone, and spends quality time with his kids.
The Beach: Where You Belong, Ted
Here’s the thing—spending time at the beach isn’t just a desirable escape; it’s also beneficial for your health. Research shows that vacations, particularly those spent on a beach, are excellent for reducing stress, improving mental clarity, and boosting overall well-being (Robinson & Mair, 2018). This could be exactly what you need, Ted. A permanent break from the stress of politics would allow you to focus on being the dad you want to be. It’s clear from your public responses and your constant vacating during crises that your priorities are elsewhere, so why not make those priorities permanent?
Instead of creating chaos and leaving in the middle of a storm, you could actually be present. The beach offers the opportunity for relaxation, quality family time, and the kind of mental recharge that could make you a better father, husband, and person.
Oh, And About That Book, “Unwoke”
It’s time for a siesta, Ted.
By the way, we couldn’t help but notice the title of your book, Unwoke. How fitting—since it seems like you’re always asleep at the wheel, particularly when it comes to addressing crises in Texas. But we’ll give you credit, Ted, you’ve managed to stay “Unwoke” even in the face of widespread disasters. Maybe the best thing for you is to stay asleep on a beach, where you can truly disconnect from the chaos and enjoy a more peaceful, woke-free life. Maybe after a few years of beachside naps, you’ll finally get the clarity to write your sequel, Fully Awake: I Finally Realized I Should’ve Taken a Permanent Vacation Years Ago.
The Final Push: Ted Cruz, Take Your Permanent Vacation
So, here’s the plan, Ted—it's time to pack your bags. Leave behind the stress of politics and the crises you’ve created. Go to Cancun, or any beach that suits your fancy, and make it a permanent escape. You’ve served long enough, and the people of Texas deserve a leader who is invested in their well-being, not someone who abandons them during crises and then returns only to squabble with political opponents.
You’ve had your time in the spotlight, Ted. Now it’s time to let someone else take the reins while you focus on the family you’ve clearly been neglecting. It’s your time—enjoy the sand, the surf, and the piña coladas—and let someone who actually cares about governing and being present for their family take over.
Sincerely,
Everyone
References:
Anderson, L., & Guinn, R. (2019). The therapeutic benefits of nature: How spending time outdoors improves mental health. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 64, 14-22. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jenvp.2019.03.004
American Psychological Association. (2020). The effects of political stress on U.S. lawmakers. APA. https://www.apa.org
Gillespie, P. (2018). The stress of public office: How U.S. Senators cope with burnout. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com
McCaskill, M. (2021). The Cancun scandal: A politician’s worst nightmare. Politico. https://www.politico.com
Robinson, D., & Mair, L. (2018). Vacation and its effects on well-being: A meta-analysis of vacation research. Journal of Health Psychology, 23(4), 48-61. https://doi.org/10.1177/1359105317737531
Texas Department of State Health Services. (2021). Final report on winter storm fatalities. https://www.dshs.texas.gov
Texas Tribune. (2023). Ted Cruz’s turbulent relationship with Texas: From Cancun to controversy. https://www.texastribune.org